Heartbreak

It's hard to see someone we love in pain. Right now a sweet relative is going through a tough breakup. Knowing how much a broken heart can hurt, I just want to sit her down and tell her it's all going to be okay. That he's a fool, and he is no doubt missing her. But, I know what she's feeling. Heartbreak is something that you never really get over. Just think about the last time your heart broke, that you physically felt pain at the loss of a love, and you can still feel a tinge of that pain all over again, no matter how much time has passed.

Instead, each day I try to just give one little snippet of something that I hope makes her smile; Something I wish someone would have told me when my heart was breaking.

I'm hoping her heart heals faster than most, that she takes the time to not just heal but to grow and become so much more than she would have been with him.

Losing a relationship is hard. The healing that has to happen afterwards is no different than mourning a death. It's not that we are mourning the loss of the person; Rather it is the death of a relationship, the loss of love, which leaves an empty feeling in our chest.

The old saying is that time heals a broken heart, and in a way it does. We cry a little less each day. It gets a bit easier to sleep with each passing night. We begin to realize that life goes on, and eventually we see that we are the author of our own story. The only way to ensure a happy life for ourselves is to get up each day and face the world with a smile on our face and an optimistic attitude. It isn't the time passing that heals us, rather it seems that we heal ourselves, it just takes a little time. 

Some of the snippets I've shared with her so far:

"A woman's strength isn't just about how much she can handle before she breaks. It's also about how much she must handle after she's broken."

"One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it's guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go."

"Believe in happy endings. Because you are the author of the story of your life." (Douglas Pagels)


My credo is "Everything Happens for a Reason." I think heartbreaks can help us become more independent, more positive, maybe even a bit stronger.

Philosophical short story

My philosophical short story...

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            "Out with the old, in with the new," the woman said to herself as she churned the dirt in the garden. No one else was there, but that didn't mean nothing heard her. This was the first year she had to do the spring yard work by herself, but she knew that she was not truly alone in her garden.

            Winter had been a season of loss and change for the woman. She lost her husband unexpectedly and found herself alone for the first time in her life. Not just physically alone in the home they once shared, but alone in her thoughts, alone in her fears, alone in her dreams. The plans they once had for the future seemed unattainable without him. She spent the winter mourning not just the loss of her husband, but the loss of her goals, and dreams, and plans.

            They once took comfort in going to church on Sunday, but since his passing she had become the object of stares and the subject of too many whispers. She took no comfort from her church and had since stopped going, which made her chuckle to herself at times because now she was surely the topic of even more gossip than before.

            She missed the idea of going to church and hearing the parables that were told there. She never went to be saved or free herself from guilt; She simply enjoyed hearing the stories and the lessons. The last time she went she sat in a pew off to one side alone. She sang the hymns, stood when she was supposed to, knelt in prayer with the others, but felt isolated. The looks and hushed whispers that were about her did not go unnoticed. She felt their stares, could hear the whispers. While everyone felt comfortable talking about her, no one would talk to her since her loss. They attended the funeral and offered some nice words that day; The platitudes of "Call if you need anything, " and "We'll have dinner sometime next week" were all spoken many times to her that day. The trouble was no one followed through, presumably because they did not know what to say to bring her comfort. And that was okay, because she didn't know what she needed.

            It was a cold January night when she stumbled across a website which she found oddly comforting. She had gone to a few counseling sessions and joined a support group, but nothing seemed to help ease the turmoil she was feeling inside. It wasn't something she could explain to others with words, it was just an unease that would not seem to quit or let her rest. That night, she read about the interconnectedness of all things in the universe; Of how all living things emit an energy and that shared energy flowed freely around all of us. She read of times when people worshipped the earth, not just for the life it supported, but for the life it provided to the trees, and the plants, and the water. She was mesmerized for hours. She had finally found something that clicked. She finally found something comforting. When she climbed into bed that night, she sighed a peaceful sigh and drifted into a restful sleep.

            When she awoke the next morning, she was well rested and eager to come up with a plan for her future. Winter was still holding firm outside, but spring was just around the corner. She looked around her home which still felt veiled in sadness and knew that it was time to make a few changes. She started with small things; A new rug for the hallway in a bold pink pattern, a new shower curtain, new bedding. Each small change made her feel a bit better, brighter, more hopeful. It seemed silly to think that a new rug could make her feel better, but it wasn't just the rug, it was that she had made and accepted a change. She was taking control of her feelings, one small change at a time. Her biggest project was yet to come.

                        When the inside of the home started to feel alive, she knew that she would need to tackle the outdoors. She had a plan for that. She planted several pots full of seeds so that when spring finally arrived she would be ready to brighten up the outside just as she had the indoors. She wanted to feel the interconnectedness that she had read about. She was still seeking some level of peace and seemed to realize the serenity that could come from reconnecting herself to the world around her.

            When spring finally arrived, she started with a small corner of the backyard. When they bought the home several years ago, there was little more than grass growing in the yard. Excited at the blank canvas that the yard offered, they talked about what types of trees to plant and what sort of flowers would grow best. Once they moved into the home other projects took precedence over beautifying the yard. Things like replacing worn carpet, repairing leaky faucets, and installing a new water heater ate up the flower budget each year. With a small bit of insurance money left after the final expenses were paid, she knew that this was the year that the yard would finally be graced with a wave of color and growth. As she peeled back the grass and worked the soil loose, she could feel an energy like none she had experienced before. "Out with the old, in with the new," she said as she breathed in deeply the smell of the fresh soil and damp moss. The crunch of the dry leaves rang in her ears and the more she worked the less she heard a crunch and the more she heard the world around her coming alive.

            She planted an apple tree first. She loved the beautiful blossoms they wore in the late spring and hoped that one day she might be able to enjoy a homegrown apple. As she dug the hole she found herself humming; She was enjoying this immensely. She hadn't felt happy in months, but she was finding joy, one shovelful at a time. As she was placing the tree into the ground she looked at the roots; There was an intricate pattern woven as they grew. The roots themselves looked like a tree, their growth slowly stretching and expanding its reach; The roots grew while searching for water, tree branches and leaves searching for sunlight. As she looked at the roots, she was saddened at the thought of never seeing them again one they were buried in the ground and it reminded her of the heartache that came when she buried her beloved. She fell back to the ground and just laid there for a few minutes, letting her tears flow freely. She felt the sun on her face and the grass on her cheek and took comfort from both. As she sat back up and wiped her tears from with earth covered hands, she realized that in order for her to eventually enjoy the beautiful spring apple blossoms and one day eat a homegrown apple, she had to bury the roots to allow the tree to grow. She may never see the roots again, but she would see the growth and know that the beauty of the roots still existed, even though she could not see it anymore. She slowly came to realize that the same was also true for herself. She had to bury a piece of her life, but that did not mean that she was no longer able to feel the love they once shared or that the beauty of their life together was gone. It was simply in a different place and in order to fulfill her destiny she had to allow herself to fulfill it. She saw the tree as a metaphor for her life. And suddenly, the garden took on a whole new meaning for her. It was more than just making the yard more beautiful, it was a way to heal her heart. She was not just working on a project they planned together, she was working on herself. She was finding her new path; She was fulfilling her destiny.

            Once the apple tree was tucked snugly into the earth she looked at the rest of the yard and could hardly wait for what was to come. As she was planting the seedlings that she had started in pots over the winter she marveled at the wonder of the seeds. When they were placed in the pot, they were tiny, and each was a perfect replica of the other. They all looked just the same as each other, neat little pods holding limitless potential. Now, as she pulled the little plants from the soil, the seed was gone. In place of the seed a new plant with a delicate root system and tiny leaves was growing. Where she once had twenty seeds that all looked the same as each other, she now had twenty unique little plants ready to grow where they were planted. Instead of mourning the loss of the seeds, she marveled at the new plants. She was amazed at how something so magical could exist in something as small as a seed. What magic could lie within her? The lessons that the seeds offered seemed to ring true to her life as well. She realized that like a seed she too had been in a dark place. The seed had to crack and break down completely to realize its full potential. The insides of the seed poured out in the dark that came from being buried in the soil, changing the entirety of its existence. Before she had to face her own growth through heartbreak she, like many others, would have seen what happened to the seed as nothing more than destruction. Now, she realized that in order for the seed to grow, the change was necessary. Like the seed, she too had broken down; Her months of mourning had changed her. Only after seeing the seeds did she realize that the change could have a positive outcome. She had struggled with her loss and the changes that it inevitably brought, but thanks to the seeds she realized that growth can only come from change.  As she planted the last of the flowers that she had dedicated to that area of the yard, she was eager to see what she could learn from the rest of her garden.

            She had learned about butterfly gardens while at a local greenhouse and decided that she would like to make one in her own yard. She again peeled back the grass and turned to soil loose to prepare it for the new plants she was about to place. She had gotten herself a butterfly bush and several other plants that were proven to draw butterflies wherever they were planted. She had also found a butterfly house and feeder which she was eager to see used by the beautiful creatures she hoped to draw to her yard. It was only a matter of hours before the fluttering friends showed up. She was putting the final plants in the ground when a butterfly landed on the back of her hand. She paused for a moment to observe the beauty of the pattern on the wings, the delicate texture of the body, and the tiny antennae reaching out from the butterfly's head. The butterfly took flight but landed again on the butterfly bush, next to a small caterpillar. It was then that the woman again saw how something beautiful could exist in the most unexpected of places. The caterpillar was green and seemed unremarkable now, but next summer it would be as beautiful as the butterfly that it was now sitting next to. She recognized too how fleeting things can be when she realized that the beautiful butterfly would not be alive next summer. As she sat marveling at what she had learned from the butterflies and the garden she planted for them she smiled. The lesson learned was one she certainly needed; We spend life fighting to maintain what we know and love, because change is never easy. When talking about loss and love, we fight to hold on while we have it, and we struggle to let go when we lose it, oftentimes missing the beauty that exists in what we are and what we have. Beautiful things can come from change.

            The garden was coming together but she felt that something was missing. She stepped back to take a look at the whole yard to see what else it could need. She had been meaning to remove the old pieces of a broken sidewalk that ran through the middle of the yard so she started with that. She took the broken pieces and stacked them, creating a wall. Even though the sidewalk was broken into many pieces, she knew it could be used again in a different way. Once the sidewalk pieces were cleared from the yard, she knew what was missing from her garden. After a few phone calls, she found someone that could help her build the missing element. She envisioned a river running through the yard, but had no idea how to make it a reality. With the help of a landscaper, in a few short days she had her river. All that was left for her to do was to make the river blend with the rest of the yard. She took the pieces of the broken sidewalk and used them to edge the water. She filled the base of her river with colorful rocks that reflected the sun into a series of rainbows and glistening waves of blues and greens and even reds. She watched the flow of the water change as she added and removed rocks from the water. She noticed that the water seemed determined to keep flowing. When the water faced a new obstacle, it simply found another path to flow down. If an obstacle was removed, the water flowed more rapidly and freely.   She recognized that like a river, she needed to be more fluid and flexible to change. In order to keep going she had to adapt. The dreams and goals that she once had with her husband did not need to be thrown away, just adapted.

            She sat in her garden with her toes in the river, saw the beautiful butterflies, and heard the rustling of the leaves of the apple tree and knew that she had created something amazing. She found herself feeling truly happy, not because everything was as she had planned it to be, but because she chose to be happy. She had learned that she could choose to make herself miserable or strong, the decision was hers each morning when she woke to face the day.  Building the garden had given her a purpose, a task to conquer each day. Now that it was complete, she woke each day ready to enjoy the fruits of her labor. She now recognized that no one is given a good life or a bad life, we are simply given a life. It is up to us to make our lives good or bad. We are each the author of our own story.

            From an article about the interconnectedness of the universe she found the inspiration to make a change for herself.  She had learned so much more from her garden than she had ever thought was possible. She began her project with the hopes of understanding how the energy of the world around her was connected, but she learned so much more. She had come to see that you can learn much from the world around you; The water, trees, flowers, and insects have much to teach, if you only take the time to listen.