~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Out with the old, in with the new," the woman
said to herself as she churned the dirt in the garden. No one else was there,
but that didn't mean nothing heard her. This was the first year she had to do
the spring yard work by herself, but she knew that she was not truly alone in
her garden.
Winter had been a season of loss and change for the
woman. She lost her husband unexpectedly and found herself alone for the first
time in her life. Not just physically alone in the home they once shared, but
alone in her thoughts, alone in her fears, alone in her dreams. The plans they
once had for the future seemed unattainable without him. She spent the winter
mourning not just the loss of her husband, but the loss of her goals, and
dreams, and plans.
They once took comfort in going to church on Sunday, but
since his passing she had become the object of stares and the subject of too
many whispers. She took no comfort from her church and had since stopped going,
which made her chuckle to herself at times because now she was surely the topic
of even more gossip than before.
She missed the idea of going to church and hearing the
parables that were told there. She never went to be saved or free herself from
guilt; She simply enjoyed hearing the stories and the lessons. The last time
she went she sat in a pew off to one side alone. She sang the hymns, stood when
she was supposed to, knelt in prayer with the others, but felt isolated. The looks
and hushed whispers that were about her did not go unnoticed. She felt their
stares, could hear the whispers. While everyone felt comfortable talking about
her, no one would talk to her since her loss. They attended the funeral and
offered some nice words that day; The platitudes of "Call if you need
anything, " and "We'll have dinner sometime next week" were all
spoken many times to her that day. The trouble was no one followed through,
presumably because they did not know what to say to bring her comfort. And that
was okay, because she didn't know what she needed.
It was a cold January night when she stumbled across a
website which she found oddly comforting. She had gone to a few counseling
sessions and joined a support group, but nothing seemed to help ease the
turmoil she was feeling inside. It wasn't something she could explain to others
with words, it was just an unease that would not seem to quit or let her rest.
That night, she read about the interconnectedness of all things in the universe;
Of how all living things emit an energy and that shared energy flowed freely
around all of us. She read of times when people worshipped the earth, not just
for the life it supported, but for the life it provided to the trees, and the
plants, and the water. She was mesmerized for hours. She had finally found
something that clicked. She finally found something comforting. When she
climbed into bed that night, she sighed a peaceful sigh and drifted into a restful
sleep.
When she awoke the next morning, she was well rested and
eager to come up with a plan for her future. Winter was still holding firm
outside, but spring was just around the corner. She looked around her home
which still felt veiled in sadness and knew that it was time to make a few
changes. She started with small things; A new rug for the hallway in a bold
pink pattern, a new shower curtain, new bedding. Each small change made her
feel a bit better, brighter, more hopeful. It seemed silly to think that a new
rug could make her feel better, but it wasn't just the rug, it was that she had
made and accepted a change. She was taking control of her feelings, one small
change at a time. Her biggest project was yet to come.
When the
inside of the home started to feel alive, she knew that she would need to
tackle the outdoors. She had a plan for that. She planted several pots full of
seeds so that when spring finally arrived she would be ready to brighten up the
outside just as she had the indoors. She wanted to feel the interconnectedness
that she had read about. She was still seeking some level of peace and seemed
to realize the serenity that could come from reconnecting herself to the world
around her.
When spring finally arrived, she started with a small
corner of the backyard. When they bought the home several years ago, there was
little more than grass growing in the yard. Excited at the blank canvas that
the yard offered, they talked about what types of trees to plant and what sort
of flowers would grow best. Once they moved into the home other projects took
precedence over beautifying the yard. Things like replacing worn carpet,
repairing leaky faucets, and installing a new water heater ate up the flower
budget each year. With a small bit of insurance money left after the final
expenses were paid, she knew that this was the year that the yard would finally
be graced with a wave of color and growth. As she peeled back the grass and
worked the soil loose, she could feel an energy like none she had experienced
before. "Out with the old, in with the new," she said as she breathed
in deeply the smell of the fresh soil and damp moss. The crunch of the dry
leaves rang in her ears and the more she worked the less she heard a crunch and
the more she heard the world around her coming alive.
She planted an apple tree first. She loved the beautiful
blossoms they wore in the late spring and hoped that one day she might be able
to enjoy a homegrown apple. As she dug the hole she found herself humming; She
was enjoying this immensely. She hadn't felt happy in months, but she was
finding joy, one shovelful at a time. As she was placing the tree into the
ground she looked at the roots; There was an intricate pattern woven as they
grew. The roots themselves looked like a tree, their growth slowly stretching
and expanding its reach; The roots grew while searching for water, tree
branches and leaves searching for sunlight. As she looked at the roots, she was
saddened at the thought of never seeing them again one they were buried in the
ground and it reminded her of the heartache that came when she buried her
beloved. She fell back to the ground and just laid there for a few minutes,
letting her tears flow freely. She felt the sun on her face and the grass on
her cheek and took comfort from both. As she sat back up and wiped her tears
from with earth covered hands, she realized that in order for her to eventually
enjoy the beautiful spring apple blossoms and one day eat a homegrown apple,
she had to bury the roots to allow the tree to grow. She may never see the
roots again, but she would see the growth and know that the beauty of the roots
still existed, even though she could not see it anymore. She slowly came to
realize that the same was also true for herself. She had to bury a piece of her
life, but that did not mean that she was no longer able to feel the love they
once shared or that the beauty of their life together was gone. It was simply
in a different place and in order to fulfill her destiny she had to allow
herself to fulfill it. She saw the tree as a metaphor for her life. And
suddenly, the garden took on a whole new meaning for her. It was more than just
making the yard more beautiful, it was a way to heal her heart. She was not just
working on a project they planned together, she was working on herself. She was
finding her new path; She was fulfilling her destiny.
Once the apple tree was tucked snugly into the earth she
looked at the rest of the yard and could hardly wait for what was to come. As
she was planting the seedlings that she had started in pots over the winter she
marveled at the wonder of the seeds. When they were placed in the pot, they
were tiny, and each was a perfect replica of the other. They all looked just
the same as each other, neat little pods holding limitless potential. Now, as
she pulled the little plants from the soil, the seed was gone. In place of the
seed a new plant with a delicate root system and tiny leaves was growing. Where
she once had twenty seeds that all looked the same as each other, she now had
twenty unique little plants ready to grow where they were planted. Instead of
mourning the loss of the seeds, she marveled at the new plants. She was amazed
at how something so magical could exist in something as small as a seed. What
magic could lie within her? The lessons that the seeds offered seemed to ring
true to her life as well. She realized that like a seed she too had been in a
dark place. The seed had to crack and break down completely to realize its full
potential. The insides of the seed poured out in the dark that came from being
buried in the soil, changing the entirety of its existence. Before she had to
face her own growth through heartbreak she, like many others, would have seen
what happened to the seed as nothing more than destruction. Now, she realized
that in order for the seed to grow, the change was necessary. Like the seed,
she too had broken down; Her months of mourning had changed her. Only after
seeing the seeds did she realize that the change could have a positive outcome.
She had struggled with her loss and the changes that it inevitably brought, but
thanks to the seeds she realized that growth can only come from change. As she planted the last of the flowers that
she had dedicated to that area of the yard, she was eager to see what she could
learn from the rest of her garden.
She had learned about butterfly gardens while at a local
greenhouse and decided that she would like to make one in her own yard. She
again peeled back the grass and turned to soil loose to prepare it for the new
plants she was about to place. She had gotten herself a butterfly bush and
several other plants that were proven to draw butterflies wherever they were
planted. She had also found a butterfly house and feeder which she was eager to
see used by the beautiful creatures she hoped to draw to her yard. It was only
a matter of hours before the fluttering friends showed up. She was putting the
final plants in the ground when a butterfly landed on the back of her hand. She
paused for a moment to observe the beauty of the pattern on the wings, the
delicate texture of the body, and the tiny antennae reaching out from the
butterfly's head. The butterfly took flight but landed again on the butterfly
bush, next to a small caterpillar. It was then that the woman again saw how
something beautiful could exist in the most unexpected of places. The caterpillar
was green and seemed unremarkable now, but next summer it would be as beautiful
as the butterfly that it was now sitting next to. She recognized too how
fleeting things can be when she realized that the beautiful butterfly would not
be alive next summer. As she sat marveling at what she had learned from the
butterflies and the garden she planted for them she smiled. The lesson learned
was one she certainly needed; We spend life fighting to maintain what we know
and love, because change is never easy. When talking about loss and love, we
fight to hold on while we have it, and we struggle to let go when we lose it,
oftentimes missing the beauty that exists in what we are and what we have. Beautiful
things can come from change.
The garden was coming together but she felt that
something was missing. She stepped back to take a look at the whole yard to see
what else it could need. She had been meaning to remove the old pieces of a
broken sidewalk that ran through the middle of the yard so she started with
that. She took the broken pieces and stacked them, creating a wall. Even though
the sidewalk was broken into many pieces, she knew it could be used again in a
different way. Once the sidewalk pieces were cleared from the yard, she knew
what was missing from her garden. After a few phone calls, she found someone
that could help her build the missing element. She envisioned a river running
through the yard, but had no idea how to make it a reality. With the help of a
landscaper, in a few short days she had her river. All that was left for her to
do was to make the river blend with the rest of the yard. She took the pieces
of the broken sidewalk and used them to edge the water. She filled the base of
her river with colorful rocks that reflected the sun into a series of rainbows
and glistening waves of blues and greens and even reds. She watched the flow of
the water change as she added and removed rocks from the water. She noticed
that the water seemed determined to keep flowing. When the water faced a new
obstacle, it simply found another path to flow down. If an obstacle was removed,
the water flowed more rapidly and freely. She
recognized that like a river, she needed to be more fluid and flexible to
change. In order to keep going she had to adapt. The dreams and goals that she
once had with her husband did not need to be thrown away, just adapted.
She sat in her garden with her toes in the river, saw the
beautiful butterflies, and heard the rustling of the leaves of the apple tree
and knew that she had created something amazing. She found herself feeling truly
happy, not because everything was as she had planned it to be, but because she chose
to be happy. She had learned that she could choose to make herself miserable or
strong, the decision was hers each morning when she woke to face the day. Building the garden had given her a purpose, a
task to conquer each day. Now that it was complete, she woke each day ready to enjoy
the fruits of her labor. She now recognized that no one is given a good life or
a bad life, we are simply given a life. It is up to us to make our lives good or
bad. We are each the author of our own story.
From an article about the interconnectedness of the
universe she found the inspiration to make a change for herself. She had learned so much more from her garden
than she had ever thought was possible. She began her project with the hopes of
understanding how the energy of the world around her was connected, but she
learned so much more. She had come to see that you can learn much from the
world around you; The water, trees, flowers, and insects have much to teach, if
you only take the time to listen.
No comments:
Post a Comment